Bumper Carts and Salted Cod

Can you get arrested for stabbing a guy with salted cod? I’m at Shop Rite around 12:30 a.m. and I’m perusing the Bacalao thinking Brandade de Morue. I haven’t made it in a long while and was kind of digging the notion of possable doing it.

While I’m looking for a nicely sized piece that didn’t scream “Shim a door with me now” an older man with a greek skippers cap on and new to me, a corduroy pant & vest combo in the color of Kenmore cannery yellow circa 1967. By looking at him and his recently escaped from the”Leisure Dome” ensemble, you would be forgiven in thinking it was woven with the very same cardboard box the Cannery Yellow Fridge came in. As he walked it sound like someone behind him was following while practicing on a washboard for a Blue Grass festival. He shoved his cart inbetween me and the salty fish sticks. Smacking my cart like Bocce ball, sending it rolling 8 feet away. I said Hey what the Frigg Frack? He proclaimed; “You don’t know what is to do with this, I take fish you go.”

So what would you do? I did too and said whoopsie!, hip checked his cart into a display of sauce packets, picked up the wooden box with the fish and tooled around with it ten minutes with him in hot pursuit, and I mean hot pursuit. His corduroy pants sounded like they were throwing off contrails through the store like jets do when zipping through the blue sky. I lost him at the chawawa leshes. Brandade anyone?


The Magic Rain Chairs

Starbucks on Astor Pl. Roof is leaking. The only two free seats that happen to be postioned under a major leak have had many takers. Alas no one has been able to tame the bewitched Rain chairs(or move them anywhere else). Beverage laden tourists walk up to the chairs, setup shop. Making a temporary beverage shelter for them and their clan.They make it their own by splaying out carefully all the newly garnered Starbucks provisions. Giving a visual sign to all, “this space is taken. Keep to the coffee trail, Keep moving.” all the others that paid their dues at the Rain Chairs now somberly stare at the ground in unifying silence while the unassuming coffee gazelle’s hunches are ripped out from under them.

Life’s brutal lessons continue like they have for countless coffee millennia (in coffee years about 4 hours). Next life altering challenge; Get on line and wait for the restroom. Open the door to the restroom without touching the door. Pay homage to the ceramic shrine, using as many of the rooms vast amenities( minus the nicly tagged baby station) as possible. Without putting down my shetland pony sized Kmart bag (can be done). Wish me luck.