License to Grill


This ever happen to you? I’m walking through the parking lot of Barnes & Noble looking for my significant other, when I spy a silver Prius filled with the grill of my dreams.
My heart went all a flutter with day dreams of BBQ splendor to come. Birds in the trees sang out triumphant outdoor cooking songs of years gone by. I felt tingly and awash in Chefy happiness, until my joy filled Teary eyes of glee gazed downward, and fell upon the unfamiliar license plate of doom and sorrow. This was not the car of my love. Which meant, “This is not my grill of my dreams”
I could hear the once singing birds in the trees now screaming out in unison,”Nooooooooo!!!” Then they flew away never to be seen again.
Once inside Barnes and Nobles I had a cup a tea and grabbed a foodbook and everything was ok again. ( mostly)

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The Chef and The mortal coil


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Third Day slept away. Not counting going on tenth day after hiatal hernia surgery of nothing but, liquids. No crunchy, no chewy,No stringy. Not even a omg “thats too tough”. I’ve had beef broth, chicken broth, and vegetable broth. mixed a little of that broth with some of this broth with a pinch of, “who gives a rats fanny sack”, in the end it’s still just broth. Look for the next post entitled The Enchanted Porcelain Altar of Brackish(second cousin of Bacas) and ; The Never Ending Tractor beam of Doom”

Breading Eggplant Using The Standard Breading Technique


A quick video to show how to bread eggplant using “The Standard Breading Technique”, This method can be used in most breading and frying situations. Bread crumbs in video were Japanese styled panko bread crumbs and the oil temperature for deep frying was set to 375 degrees.

This video may be informative but is for entertainment purposes only.

Why So Blue Pink Bunny?


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Why so blue adorable pink Bunny? I’ve been there Pal (see crazed tiger stage right) and totally sympathize. Cheer up my fuzzy little critter cuz, because? There’s light at the end of this Pisher Price tunnel and it’s called the “Fuzzy Boomerang”. (no kid, not duzy boo boo aang) It works like this; first, you need to wait till you folks are old enough to be ever so slightly roughed up but not so much as to traumatize them into standing in front of your childhood home barking like a Shitzu.
Next you’ll need get a van. Preferably one that is high enough to keep from hitting their head but low enough as not to throw a hip or cause a hernia, or or break your dam iPhone in your back pocket with your “Buns of Steel” again.
I recommend making the extra effort and investment of procuring bubble wrap and packing peanuts. To fill the van prior to tossing folks in. I mean come on they are you folks so take the extra care with them.
When the van is prepped and ready call the restaurant to make the reservations. Try to make them at the nearest and preferably the best (good luck finding a good place never mind the best) “all you can eat” buffet. Why an all you eat buffet? Because they’re like a warm Kryptonite sleepytime hug to parents (non lethal ).
Like drunken bees they’ll just kind of aimlessly roll around going buzz buzz we’re drunkin bees he he he. They are now harmless with all defenses deactivated so act quickly.
Now is not the time to dilly dally. As everybody knows the effects of an American Asian styled buffet are temporary and will were off in 15 minutes maybe less. Unless they hit the dessert section twice then tops you’ve got 23 minutes before they get hungry and snap out of it.

Once thrown into the van (enlist siblings and cousins who’ve gotten similar “Christmas Story-ish” wearable gifts from them to help) Take shoes off by rapidly unlacing, making use of a shoe horn can only help in picking up the pace . In most cases the “Shoe removal” part of the show will just simply be the task of unfastening two Velcro straps in one skilled motion. Once shoes are off slide on and secure oversized Bunny outfits you and your extended family made at your quilting sessions at the local community center. Send copies of your pictures to CNN ‘s AndersonCooper with the rest to be used for annually mailed out Christmas/Holiday cards till they run out or the Governor grants a pardon. 😉 kidding of course. Love ya Mom&Dad.

Picture of bunny kid on swing in left picture is from http://www.imfunny.net

Poor Narwhal Never Saw It Coming


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Poor Narwhal Never Saw It Coming. Earlier today at ICMUT( institute of chubby mammals with unicorn thingies) a crazed man wearing a Panda jumpsuit ran passed security then leaped into the air executing a flawless “Triple Lindy” with a reverse “Howda Ya Do”, landing in a relaxed straddle position on the unassuming Narwhal sunbathing. When asked way he didn’t stop the man the security guard said: “I didn’t think Pandas could run that fast without wobbling and turfing it. ” After Years of counseling and harnessing the power of positive affirmation (“tea bags are my friend. They make yummy drinks”) Narley as his friends would call him, was seen recently happily working at a Churrascaria in NYC. Seemingly happy and well adjusted from the ordeal from years past. Words to steer away from though to avoid twitching and other flailing about when conversing with Narley are: straddle, cattle, rattle, and for some reason Fennel. ( idk lol). Picture from: http://lisanelsonnd.com/Per2/Arctic%20Animals/narwhal.html

To Can Or Not To Freeze? That Is The Question.


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I was asked the other day a question from a friend about whether she should can her fresh tomatoes that she grew herself or freeze them. There are a number of ways to look at this. If your going to use the tomatoes/sauce in relatively short time, like a matter of weeks. then I would put the big freeze on them( double bag em for their protection ). If you’re going to be zip zappin it around the globe for a matter of months, then I would choose to can them.
Canning sweet ripe tomatoes is a great way to preserve your gardening efforts, in a smack your self silly I can’t believe how delicious this is” kinda way. Freezing freshly harvested yummables is awesome for people who will use those items pretty quickly. Non-commercial, home owner types of freezers tend to have temperatures that can be sporadic at times.
Maintaining a consistent freezer temperature goes a big way when keeping food in good shape over time . Freezers that are continually being opened and closed all day by kids nomadic nosher’s will increase the likely hood of ice crystals to start to form. Sadly turning your fresh firm veg/fruit into a huge Mushapalooza when thawed for use. With the final curtain call being a everyone on stage jam session of funky flavors and not so great culinary memories .